[Introduction] A businessman who travels to a northern Indian city is fascinated by exotic beauty of a gypsy dancer. He is enchanted by her and gets into a situation in which he must undergo an irreversible change.

This 30,000 word novel is an autobiography style gender swap story It is a story riddled with lust, love, and faith. A story of secrets and mystery, almost too extravagant to believe.

Hijra means a transgender individual adopted by a guru in the well organized transgender community believing in the same goddess and living in feminine attire. Hijra is referred to as “the third gender.” Rules and ceremonies for adoption, initiation, castration, etc. are well defined in the hijra community. Once you get nirvan (castration ceremony often done without anesthesia) you cannot go back to your former self.


[Sample – less than 10% of the story is shown due to restrictions of KDP]

“There is one more thing you must have before being officially admitted into my family.” Sangita said.

“I thought I became your chela and admitted into the family by the ritual you performed on me last night?” I asked.

“That was just a beginning entry,” she said. “You must now have nirvana in front of god.”

“Who is this god I have to have nirvana in front of?” I asked.

“Bahuchara Mata is our goddess who we worship. Look at her now.”

Sangita had me sit down in front of an image of Bahuchara Mata, which was setup like a shrine used for prayer.

“All of us belong to Bahuchara Mata,” she said. “She is our goddess and our protector.”

She then served a plate of food to Mata.

“Now you must pray to Bahuchara Mata and ask her if you are allowed to have nirvana.” Sangita said.

“Isn’t nirvana like a ceremony?” I asked. “Or is it the person who goes through the ceremony?”

“It is both,” she responded. “Now ask Bahuchara Mata, if you are allowed to be a nirvana.”

I knelt before the picture and prayed to her. I asked if I could reach nirvana, and I wished to be a nirvana.

“Did you see her face smiling at you?” Sangita asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “She is smiling at me.”

“I see her smiling at you too,” Sangita said. With that, Sangita grabbed a coconut and right in front of the image, broke it. It broke into two perfectly even pieces.

“Bahuchara is welcoming you,” she said. “You are now allowed to get nirvana.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Now to prepare for nirvana, you must stay in this room for some time.”

I sat in that room for hours, only getting up to go to the bathroom. All of the other time was spent sitting quietly or praying to the goddess. I was starting to feel very peaceful.

Sangita returned late into the evening and said, “You look very peaceful. It could take several months to a few years for someone to get nirvana, but you look ready now.” She exited the room, and I eventually fell asleep. I awoke the next morning next to Sangita. She had tied the root of my penis and testicles tightly with a thread.

“Now you need to stare at Mata only.” Sangita instructed. “Only stare at her and nothing else. Call out to her over and over. Pray to her from the bottom of your heart until you feel perfect.”

I stared at the image, and repeated Mata, Mata, Mata, over and over again. After a few minutes, I truly felt at peace and in a heavenly state and truly felt Mata’s blessing me and embracing my body. I was wide awake, definitely not sleeping, but I felt as if my body was in another place. At some point during the ceremony, Sangita walked over to the image of Mata and grabbed an item. She then started doing something in my lower abdomen area, but I did not feel anything. I was not disturbed or even interested in what she was doing, I was in a complete state of calm, and was extremely at peace. After some more time passed, Sangita said to me, “You have now got nirvana. You have become a true member of my family.”

I was so pleased that I had been accepted into her family, and that Mata had allowed me to get nirvana. I did notice a lot of blood on the floor, and it seemed to be coming from my lower abdomen area, but I felt no pain, and continued to stay at peace. While I had no fear of the blood, I could tell it was coming from me, and I asked Sangita if I would bleed to death.

“There is no problem,” she said stroking my head gently. “All of your evils and impurities are escaping your body. Your male spirit is bleeding away. Let it go as it will and everything will be fine.” She then inserted a thin, plastic pipe into my urinary tract and told me it would keep me safe.

After a few hours, the majority of the bleeding had stopped. By then, I had returned to a normal state of mind. I looked towards between my legs where all of the blood had come from, and I noticed my genitals had been cut off. I just now realized that nirvana was the ritual of castration. Oddly enough, I was not bothered by this. I felt honored that my guru wanted me in the family so much that she did this for me. I knew now though, I would not be able to return to Japan as a businessman. I am officially a hijra now, and I had given myself to Bahuchara Mata, and to this country and my new family. I felt a strong love now for my guru, and it was as strong and as true as the fact that I have been castrated. What strengthened the way I felt was the fact that I just went through a castration process and felt no pain. To have that done to me, without any anesthesia, was enough to make me believe that Mata was there to take care of me, and that my guru did not want me harmed, and she loved me. I had seen Sangita doing something in my lower regions, and thought I had seen the actual knife in her hand, but I had never worried. I was in such peace during the entire process, and that was because of Mata.

While I was thinking about all this, Sangita had gone into the other room. She came back with a bottle of lotion and began putting it on my wound. She also handed me two pieces of ladies girdles and told me to wear them.

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